JUST BECAUSE ITS CHRISTMAS...

Anyone else love “Love Actually”? It’s heartwarming and heart-breaking (UGH – Alan Rickman/Emma Thompson!?!?! It kills me every time) all at the same time.  But this post has NOTHING to do with Love Actually – except that I watched it yesterday and was inspired by Andrew Lincoln’s carolling confession.

So here’s my truth…holy crap has it been a year.  I think if I have one more curve ball thrown at me, I will crumble.  I used to think that burnout was something that happened to lawyers and doctors that are expected to live, eat, and breathe their jobs 24/7, by these money-hungry old white guys that don’t care that you have a life; they did it and so will you.  They give everything, and in the end that’s why they get the big bucks, right?  Well, I’m looking around and wondering where the hell my big bucks are cause I’m sure as shit living, eating, and breathing my work 24/7.  And who the hell is this terrible boss that’s forcing me to work like this? Oh wait, that’s me.

 Now again, I don’t know if this is just my menopausal brain, hormones, and holy-fuckedness, but over the past 5 years, I went from a run of the mill workaholic to a flailing burnout.  I don’t know that my work volume has changed that dramatically in that time, but I really think my perspective has. 

Last week I talked about knowing when you’re ready to level up, and in retrospect, I honestly think I’m full-on feeling the growing pains of this.  I set up the systems, I expanded my team, and I freed up my time.  But here’s the thing…when you take a workaholic, and free up their time…the point should be that that workaholic then finds some balance in their life.  Me? Well, I took that “freed up time” and decided to do more! I’m an idiot, I know.  I’m my own worst enemy.

Now don’t get me wrong, everything that I “added” has been something I’ve wanted to do for 10 years so I’m beyond excited that it’s happening.  However, what it’s really brought out is how some of the other things I do suck the soul out of me. (that might be a bit dramatic, but you get the picture).  There’s 3 things that weigh on my heart & mind:

1. Cashflow

Or rather the lack thereof: once a week I stress for some clients about how they’re going to pay their bills, find the magical money tree, or access more credit.  The reality is that I should only have to stress about my business or my personal bank account, but I’ve got it in my head that now I need to be responsible for other people’s bank accounts too.  It’s a gross feeling.

2. Follow-through

Or rather the lack thereof (again): when we’re paying people and relying them to do their jobs so that we can do ours; it is the cornerstone of business.  We’re all capable humans that should understand that when something is asked of them and they agree to do it by a certain deadline/date, that it’s expected it will be done.  Completely. And on time.  I don’t know if my expectations are so out of whack, but what is going on in the workplace these days?  Why can’t anyone do what they say they’re going to do and do it right?!  I feel like I spend a lot of my time doing things that someone else was supposed to do!?!  (And please let me say that this is NOT about my team members at Clear Eyes – they ROCK!)

3. People Pleasing

Anyone else suffer from this?  It is SO hard for me to say “no”; or to say “yes, but”.  I look at my to-do list and inevitably there’s things on there that I know aren’t part of what was agreed to, but I do them, cause I love everyone I work with and want them to succeed, and I want to do everything I can to help them get there. Then there’s that terrible “Corrine” inside my head (that’s what I’ve named the negative self-talk bitch that lives there), that says that I have to do everything and bend over backwards or no one will like me, or think I don’t provide any value, or that I’m just a nickel and dime-ing money grub.  Corrine sucks. She really messes with me sometimes.

There’s really no point to this blog except to say – if you can relate, you’re not alone; I get you and I’m sorry you’re at the breaking point.  I’m here for you and if you need to talk, just reach out.  I need to figure some things out on my end to try to get out of the negative cycles above.   I know I’ll need to talk through my insecurities and thoughts so let’s not be shy to say that we need help.  No one gets the entrepreneurial slog like we do, so let’s do what we can to support and elevate each other.  I have so many goals and plans for the New Year and I am dedicated to get through this burnout phase and onto bigger and better thing – join me for the ride!!

 All my love & happy holidays,

 ~t